Post-Masters Blues!

So I've finished school two weeks ago and this seems to have been the beginning of my depression! Since i started school at the age of two I have never had a break besides summer breaks. I now have the freedom I've been itching for and I have no idea what to do with myself! I've always been occupied doing something but now I realize that I can't hide behind school anymore and it's time to execute my 'To Do List'. We all talk about what we want to do and who we want to be but how many of us actually have the courage to become more than a dream?

I've come to the conclusion that this is one of the most exciting times of my life! I can now read all of the books that have collected dust on my shelf, write books on white vacuous pages that are waiting to be filled, visit museums, and volunteer at places of interest. Greatest of all I can reflect on who I have become and how all of the knowledge I have obtained so far has shaped who I am today. I can pursue my writing dreams or rather let them consume me. I can watch as I rise, fall, grow, and live. This post-Masters period is just the beginning of the new chapter of my journey to greatness. Let the journey begin!

Truth Is.....

This morning every emotion that i could posisbly feel simultaneously woke me up. I wish we could press the 'stop' button on our feelings. No matter how ostensibly happy we are, we all wake up with that little void thats been created by an unanswered question, an undiscovered truth or a painful lie that has been told. We're all left with voids and a quenching that only truth can satisfy. This morning the truth i searched for was why he didn't want to be with me if i was so 'amazing'.

That's a truth i've been seeking for a little while now, what makes you reject something amazing? I didnt discover that the answer to that question, i didnt find that truth this morning, but i discovered another as someone called me and offered me a ride to work. I discovered that somone is thinking of me. As i got to work and someone offered me their seat i discovered that someone could sacrifice for me no matter how little. As i sat down at my desk and recieved an encouraging text from a young man i discovered that someone wants my day to go well. This morning when a young man told me he just realized he missed me, i discovered that my presence is relevant in someones life. The truth that i have discovered today is that i may not have the answer to why he doesnt want to be with me, but this mornings occurences have revealed alternative truths; I am relevant, desirable, valued, respectable, and i am strong. I am strong enough not to allow rejection to obliterate every other truth i have discovered. I will not allow the truth i do not know to define me, but the truth that i do know.

Pitch Black

On the 21st of January 2010 I looked up and was encapsulated by a red grey sky. From January till the 26th of September I was lost in shades of deep blue, innocent pink, anxious yellow, royal violet, dark shades of painful grey's until today. For the first time all year I opened my eyes and lo and behold, my sky is pitch black. It's almost as though I'm color blind. I do wonder when all those magnificent colors will re appear in my sky again...